E. Smart verdict

Back in the year 2002 a few days after our first anniversary we were on vacation in So. Cal, we were settling down in our hotel room for the evening and watching the news about a 14 year old girl that had been abducted from her home not very far from our home in SLC. I distinctly remember saying out loud to Chris as we watched the coverage, "This is terrible, I wish there was something we could do to help them." I think we talked a little more about it, maybe Chris even told me there was a connection to the family in some way. But, I had no idea how this young women would dramatically impact our life. Chris left to fly back the next day while I continued my trip, when I came back Chris was already heavily involved in handling the media for the family.

Over the next nine months I saw my husband perform incredible feats to help the Smart family. I can honestly say I've never seen anyone work as hard as I saw Chris work. He was sleep deprived, emotionally drained, but completely loyal to the Smart family through it all. It was humbling to watch. For my part in it, I can honestly say I grew up during that time. I missed my husband terribly, but was also fiercely loyal about my husband's support of the family and the family in general. And now eight years later as I watched Elizabeth making her statement to the media after a guilty verdict was announced with Chris nearby in the background, I was so proud. I was proud of her and yes, also a little proud my dear husband.

Ready for Christmas

Are you ready for Christmas? I'm not, there I said it. I have no list that I have been working from, which for me is a major red flag. I haven't really settled on everything I'm doing, instead I'm just kinda letting it happen...I know, recipe for disaster. I'm at that point in the season where I have these occasional moment of realization that I may be in trouble and then I just go back to loading the dishwasher or whatever I had been doing before. Ya, I'm in trouble. So, if you run into a week from now and I can barely hold a conversation longer than two sentences before fidgeting, you'll know it's because I'm buried. If I'm lucky I'll get our Christmas cards out and gifts for the boys wrapped and ready. There you have it, my list. Wish me luck.

Thanksgiving 2010

It's been an interesting Thanksgiving. Oh don't worry, nothing too earth shaking, but it did involve a trip to the hospital which these days doesn't seem to be that out of the ordinary. Chris had his appendix taken out late Wednesday night and I insisted on staying with him (hopelessly devoted, I am). So, for the big Turkey Day I was sleep deprived and hungry and Chris was recovering and barely coherent. But regardless, we made our way over to my brother's house for a Thanksgiving feast. The boys were shamelessly starved for attention and enthusiastic about the prospect of a turkey dinner. So, it goes.

I have no pictures of the occasion because I was less than on top of it. No pies did I end up baking. No special recipes attempted, only me showing up at the door of my sister-in-laws house empty-handed and humble. Yes, grateful for my family and hopeful of a little entertainment for the boys and refuge for the holiday. It was wonderful, the whole lot of it. The food was wonderful and the company was comfortable. I loved it.

Thanksgiving has become a tender holiday for me since my mother's passing. She passed on the 20th of November, so soon follows Thanksgiving which has been a wonderful opportunity to reflect a little especially in the presence of my family....her family. Now that I'm home and still not sleeping tonight because of my poor husband's need for tending and my lack of sleep skills...I'm a little reflective. I'm thinking of each family member, our complicated and passionate whole and it makes me a little proud. I think I have a touch of her spirit with me tonight, thinking of them as she would've and I'm a little in awe. We are all the sum total of my parents which was solid, but at times a lethal and passionate combination. And so it's interesting to see how that shakes out a couple of generations down the line. The lethal part has died down to the occasional sting and the passionate part is alive and well in all the grandchildren (my boys make a good showing in that department). But, most of all we are a solid family making the best of whatever comes our way. I enjoyed talking with each family member individually and loved the group interaction just as much. Every once in awhile I would have impressions of my mother nearby as she always was during these occasions.

My father was also there probably missing her a little more than we were, but holding his own and weaving his influence over our heads. He slipped out early, which is his nature and as he did so he slipped me a crisp new hundred dollar bill which he hasn't done in awhile, but is a signature move on his part. He was born in the year 1929 which means "cash is king" for him and he really does think any other gift would be wasteful and useless. Honestly, I can only think of two other gifts other than money that he has ever given me; one being an opal ring I wore at my wedding and the other an electric meat carver that I will probably end up passing on to my children unless it breaks. He is quite a character and we're glad he has reclaimed all his vigor since my mother's passing 2 years ago.

It was a wonderful event and I am blessed to be a part of a family that is stamped in their own individual ways with the impressions of my mother and my father. They are wonderful examples of perseverance and dedication. My mother had a deep and abiding love of her Savior. She was an eternal optimist and a survivor. She always seemed to pull herself back up even when life sometimes leveled her even right up until the end. The last family meal we had with her was around the end of October, she hadn't been feeling well, but she received a special blessing from my brother at some point earlier that had helped immensely. Before the dinner she had gone upstairs, showered and dressed herself and was sitting upright at the table eating a little chicken noodle soup when I arrived. She was smiling and talking with everyone. I naively thought she could be on the mend. A few days later she could no longer make it up the stairs and within a couple of weeks she had passed. Now the thought of that episode reaffirms to me that she was an amazing woman, what a precious memory.

So, we are a great, big American family that enjoyed a day of comfort food and comfortable surroundings and we are blessed to be in the family that we are with a vast and unique cast of characters. Wouldn't trade it for another one, not today, not any day, no thanks. Wish me luck the rest of the weekend and hopefully I can somehow reclaim a little rest in the next few days. Ah, the life of a mother and wife. Another thing I wouldn't trade for anything. Happy Thanksgiving.

Posers

Enough about Oprah, I can't believe I haven't posted this picture earlier. By far, my favorite picture of the year. Are you ready for it? In case you're wondering where I came from and how my particular sense of humor got started....look no further. Among my siblings a while back we were goofing around and ended up with this beauty of a picture. Us trying to do some sort of model look. Well, models we are not, but a good time nonetheless.

Below is a little more refined pose of us all with our Dad when my sister came to visit from Oregon. But, the other one is still my favorite picture of the year, sorry.

Chicago in September

I have been a huge Oprah fan for years, yes, before the giveaways and before the celebrity parties. I remember watching her at my best friend's house with her mom after elementary school and I remember introducing my mom to her at my own house during high school. Oh, the discussions my mom and I would have over some of her more "complicated" shows! All good memories, so I was thrilled to be able to go to one of her shows for this farewell season of the show. It was a treat.

You couldn't take photos inside the studio and it was impressively tight security for a bunch of women dressed up in what Oprah called, their best "Easter Sunday morning" attire. Some think that she must specify for the audience to "dress up," but the only guidelines given in the confirmation form are to wear bright colors because they tape better for TV. It was an interesting crowd, everything from limos parked out front with beautiful wealthy women coming out to just your everyday Oprah fan base of mid-America, church-going women that felt like this was the highlight of their lives. Anyways, loved the people watching and the energy of the crowd. Chris was a good sport and luckily we tagged on to a couple that slightly resembled ourselves...he talked sports with Chris and she talked with me about all the endless possibilities for the show. Oh, I could go on and on, but I won't. Oprah was gracious and warm and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

We did get one free giveaway from the show, a bunch of nail polish and OPI products. Not quite the free car I was hoping for, but at least it wasn't one of her depressing shows. And afterwards, I totally made my way to the Oprah store and I am now the proud owner of an "O" hoodie and one of her active wear jackets. Chris was totally a good sport throughout the entire event and let's face it he was the one with the hook-up in the first place. Yes, it's true. Thank you. :)

Afterwards, we eventually made our way to a Cubs game. I guess you could say, Chris got his fix and I had mine.

A great trip.

Waterfall!

Carter loves two things: waterfalls (which basically means any type of moving water) and his Aunt Amy. Here are a couple of pictures of them playing in the "waterfall" at downtown Gateway. Hmmm, how do I describe it though...really it's a water fountain that has bursts of water shooting out to music. Think Bellagio, okay, that's all I really needed to say. Anyways....

Please note prior to this day he wouldn't

even get close to the fountains.

I guess he just needed a little

extra attention from his Aunt.

Enjoying a moment discussing how

exciting it all is.

And the money shot. Wow,

yes, it IS just that exciting.

Thanks Amy for being a wonderful aunt that day...okay, everyday. :)

Magical World of...

you guessed it, Disney!!!

Yes, it's been a couple weeks since we made a special trip to Disneyland with our Oma. And it's taken about that long to recover! Whew, what a trip and wow, how tired was I when we got back! Right? I mean, that place moves fast and they sure know how to have a good time there. So, here's the Thomas rundown.

Flew in and dinner at Goofy's Kitchen. The boys were

in awe the whole time. So fun!

In case you're wondering? That's Aladdin,

wish it was Goofy or Mickey

or something, but Aladdin

was a pretty nice guy too and pretty

insistent on taking a picture with us. Guess he

needs to keep his job.

Fast forward to the next morning. But maybe

I should mention the wake-up call at

4AM I got from HJ, "Mom, is it morning yet?"

That's right, totally rested and ready to go

into the park. Couldn't contain himself,

soooo super duper excited.

First shot in the park, the whole bunch of us.

Evidently Chris's family took this same shot

when they came here as a family ages ago.

The fun began with "It's a Small World."

Harrison wasn't overly excited about it until he

went on "Pirates of the Carribean" and then he

decided he wanted to go back to his favorite

"castle boat ride" instead.

That's my sweet boy.

You could find Harrison and I both

around the park in our ears. Yes, I'm just

that cheesy, so what?

Pretty typical expressions from both brothers.

Happy boy.

Soothing the pain of "Pirates of the Caribbean" with suckers.

The iconic shot of the castle. Carter now thinks

many of the big buildings downtown are "castles."

Did you know that they have

fireworks every night

in Disneyland.

It IS a magical place!

The boys were in heaven, watching

from the hotel window before tucking

in for the night and also singing

"It's a Small World" several times.

Love this picture with Oma.

Can't help but love this picture of Karl and Tia.

Harrison wore his Mickey ears both days and

was totally adorable.

Driving a bumper car with Dad.

A "rollercoaster" that was just Carter's

speed and if I'm being honest mine too.

Lego Woody.

And we headed back home.

I have to mention that Carter has pretty much been obsessed with

Disneyland ever since the trip. The fireworks, the choo choo train, the cars, Mickey Mouse, on and on we talk it. Everyday we talk about going there and he has finally realized that he can't go there everyday on a whim like the park. Sadly, he has started to say, "Disneyland (Wiz-nee-land) far away."

What a sweet memory for the boys and a wonderful adventure with the family.

We had a blast! Thank you Oma!

For the love of food.

I'm so behind in posting, so let's just do a post that isn't really accomplishing anything of relevance. So how about my summer in pictures....of food that is.

Patriotic food.

After swimming food.

Mom's addicted to Red Mango kind of food.

Get together food.

Pretty food.

Disneyland food.

My dad would call it: Family "Steak fry" food.

Celebrate a baby food.

Okay, enough horsing around I've got some serious catching up to do in way of posting. Stay tuned...or not, whatever.

Still reflecting

I woke up this morning realizing I had a lot more to say about my post yesterday. I guess it is kinda a "reflections" week. You know, something happens and it all comes into rushing back and the distance between your own loss and the closeness of another makes you a little woozy from the waves. But, I hope that sharing my own thoughts here is not too selfish.

So, I was thinking about Chris. Wow, how lucky am I. I mean it's amazing how you get married and drag this other person through all your stuff and they're supposed to stand next to you and take it all on with you. I'm one of the lucky ones that found someone that doesn't even flinch when I take a blow. In fact, absorbs it with me and then works on making the adjustments needed before I even know I need them. You know, just takes it on. I have to say coming out on the other end that I...well, I don't know what to say except that I love him. He supported every move or lack of movement I made. He just let me be and he was the one that kept repeating, "Be patient with yourself..." Bless him, I needed that.

Let me give you a few examples, waking up in the middle of the night in tears. He was there. Understanding that in a household full of boys, I needed a little extra "girl time" to fill my aching void. Done. Finding the time to help "balance" out our lives, when our lives look like "balance" is a far off dream. Dream realized. And a host of other situations that were, I promise, no small feat in his already crazy busy world.

Anyways, there are so many other things I'm grateful for in the little need to share moment so I'll try and stop now. I'll return to breakfast with my boys and a heart full. Good morning.

Reflections

I haven't reflected much on the blog lately, maybe because life is sweet and good and wonderful and sometimes you don't want to jinx it. But today I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and just wanted to share it. After throwing a baby shower for a wonderful woman the neighborhood last night I couldn't help but notice the tangible feeling of joy when the evening was over. I couldn't put my finger on it, why would I feel so overwhelmed with joy. Today I think it hit me.

Very recently a tragedy happened in our neighborhood, a family lost their father and all of us are shaken. I know the feeling of loss and I know the work that it takes to get through it. It's tough. I can feel their loss around me and last night I realized for myself that I had come full circle. After my mother passed I felt like I was drowning at times in grief. Grief is a funny thing, some people welcome it, some people shun it, some people lose themselves in it and then there's the anger and bitter part that comes out at times you wish it wouldn't. Shoot, I hope others will forgive me in my more vulnerable moments. But, after last night I feel like I can finally look someone square in the eyes and say, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on." For me in particular, I have to say how grateful I am for the women in my life that have been there to stand by me in whatever state of mind I was in. Whether you were inviting me to an evening out and then whomever would take the time to talk with me about everything and nothing at the same time. Or whether it was those women in my life that knew enough about grief and loss in their own lives to recognize the need for laughter and sharing. Or the few women that were a listening ear while taking a long walk or sitting in the car, whatever. I can't tell you how much these women filled a void that felt like it was insatiable at times.

I still miss my Mom more than I can bear at times, but my faith carries me through it and the presence of amazing women that are my sisters (some literally) and friends have made such a difference. Now I've been able to step forward a little more and have a few gatherings and parties on my own and feel strong enough to do it. And, I can look someone squarely in the eyes and say, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on." I guess that applies to all challenges in our lives, not just the loss of a loved one. Whatever the challenge, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on."

NieNie

Just so you know, I sometimes have the privilege of teaching an AMAZING little group of the "Young Women" youth-aged girls at my church. They inspire me and teach me and let me know that the world of full of good and wonderful things. Great things are in store for each of them and I'm just lucky enough to spend some time with them on occasion. :)

Today I shared this video and promised to try and post it. Take a few minutes and enjoy it too if you have time. :) It's from a SAHM that has a special story to share. By the way, you can also find it here on her blog.

The buzz

There are all kinds of odds and ends to the summer. Mainly, we've been doing A LOT of swimming and just trying to keep both boys from either tearing the house apart or each other. But, all and all it's been a busy and fun time. Here's one of our most recent pictures taken at the Bee's game. Just one more thing I'm loving about summertime...

Happy 2!

Carter turned two, but when you ask him how old he is he'll tell you three. We practiced all day thinking he was confused on the age, but finally we realized it was just that he wanted to be three instead. Already he's trying to grow up way too fast!

Here are some of the pics from the little family party.

I know he's my child, but really what a cutie!

In this picture we were all gathered

around singing Happy Birthday

to him and he was a little awe struck

by the whole situation. That look

on his face is priceless, it's

the "Really, all this for

little ol' me?" expression.

Sweetness.

This just a few moments later,

he was starting to accept

the adoration. :)

We had a transportation themed

party, since Carter is obsessed with cars.

Especially Dad's car, each morning he

runs from the back of the house to the front

and sits at the window watching Dad

drive away to work.

Things to love about Carter:

1. Chocolate brown eyes that make you melt.

2. Giggles that are endless.

3. For the love of Dad. He is a daddy's boy like none other.

4. Wrestling with big brother and Dad has got to be his favorite past time.

5. A close second on his list is his blanket which has been soaked in all sorts of unspeakable substances. It's torn and threadbare, but still there is nothing like his "bebe" to make him feel comforted.

6. Using the potty already, what? Can you say child prodigy?

7. Snuggles with Mom, they may be rare, but nothing beats them when they happen.

8. His long fly-away hair is too die for...and his cute uni-brow.

9. He loves food, but you'd never know it. He has his father's metabolism and his good looks. :)

10. Baby Goo has turned two and the ride of his life is taking off...

New York, New York

Chris and I headed to NYC for a couple of special events.

Event #1 - Silver Anvil Awards

Chris was up for a Silver Anvil, which I now understand is a big deal. When he told me we were headed out for an awards ceremony I wasn't quite clear why this was so terribly important and admittedly I'm kinda hard to impress. But, being at the event and then having Chris explain that this is the highest award you can receive in the PR industry and a Utah recipient hasn't received one in about 7 years, well, I was impressed. I'm usually a little reserved about how proud I am of Chris, but this time I can't help it. He works so hard and I'm just impressed that he holds it all together with all the demands placed on him. He deserves a big old reward. Yay!

Here we are headed into the event.

I love this picture of Chris.

Event #2 - Sightseeing

A few museums, a play, the Kramer Reality Tour, and some great food. We even made it to part of church and brunch with some friends. A little bit of shopping, but nothing too intense. We tried not to get to wrapped up in the city. These are some highlights.

The Times Square night shot.

Chris and I actually love art museums, but sometimes

we can get a little giddy walking through

after a couple of hours.

Opps, pardon his language, better him than me. Right?

If you ever watched Seinfeld, this is the guy the

character Kramer was based on, he was a hoot.

Chris is a huge fan, I'm still catching up on it.

We're watching the entire series this summer!

The things we do for love.

The restaurant from the series.

Event #3 - Us

Chris proposed to me 9 years ago and we revisited the occasion.

Chris proposed to me in the crown of the

Statue of Liberty, and around our house

we affectionately refer to her as "The Lady."

He looked out the crown's window with me and

reminded me that his great grandfather Dorigati

looked at the Statue of Liberty as a symbol

of freedom and the start of a new life

when he came to America through Ellis

Island. He then asked me to start a new

life with him by marrying him. It was the

most important decision of my life

and I've been greatly blessed because I said yes.

We took a retake of our engagement picture taken in

Battery Park the day after he proposed.

Now Chris has some gray hair and

I have a few more wrinkles,

but we are a littler more wiser and

gratefully, closer than ever.

For fun here is a copy of the original

that I took a picture

of hanging on the wall of

our bedroom. Ah, youth. You get the idea.

New York was a nice break for me. I came home rested and grateful for a wonderful life.

The tradition continues

Thomas the Tank came to Midway for Memorial Day weekend and we just couldn't resist. And so, we went and enjoyed the festivities with our good friends the Spanglers and spent the weekend enjoying some down time.

The Thomas Family 2010.

Part of the Spangler Family 2010.

My little engineer.

And now would be a good time to mention

that Carter broke his arm. Yes, it was traumatic for both of us.

And yes, I should have been watching closer.

And yes, I feel guilty. Sigh, motherhood

is not as easy as it looks sometimes. But, he is

recovering quickly. He fell while he was

climbing up the slide in our backyard and lost his grip.

And I wasn't close enough to catch him, shoot.

All I know if that I love him so much and hate

to see him struggling through this, but he is a little trooper

and most days you wouldn't even know he is hurt.

But, we're hoping the next couple of weeks go quickly

and he feels 100% soon.

H.J.

HJ and his Mom.