Reflections

I haven't reflected much on the blog lately, maybe because life is sweet and good and wonderful and sometimes you don't want to jinx it. But today I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and just wanted to share it. After throwing a baby shower for a wonderful woman the neighborhood last night I couldn't help but notice the tangible feeling of joy when the evening was over. I couldn't put my finger on it, why would I feel so overwhelmed with joy. Today I think it hit me.

Very recently a tragedy happened in our neighborhood, a family lost their father and all of us are shaken. I know the feeling of loss and I know the work that it takes to get through it. It's tough. I can feel their loss around me and last night I realized for myself that I had come full circle. After my mother passed I felt like I was drowning at times in grief. Grief is a funny thing, some people welcome it, some people shun it, some people lose themselves in it and then there's the anger and bitter part that comes out at times you wish it wouldn't. Shoot, I hope others will forgive me in my more vulnerable moments. But, after last night I feel like I can finally look someone square in the eyes and say, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on." For me in particular, I have to say how grateful I am for the women in my life that have been there to stand by me in whatever state of mind I was in. Whether you were inviting me to an evening out and then whomever would take the time to talk with me about everything and nothing at the same time. Or whether it was those women in my life that knew enough about grief and loss in their own lives to recognize the need for laughter and sharing. Or the few women that were a listening ear while taking a long walk or sitting in the car, whatever. I can't tell you how much these women filled a void that felt like it was insatiable at times.

I still miss my Mom more than I can bear at times, but my faith carries me through it and the presence of amazing women that are my sisters (some literally) and friends have made such a difference. Now I've been able to step forward a little more and have a few gatherings and parties on my own and feel strong enough to do it. And, I can look someone squarely in the eyes and say, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on." I guess that applies to all challenges in our lives, not just the loss of a loved one. Whatever the challenge, "It will get better, just be patient with yourself and hang on."